Moves 

It started by you continuously looking at me, not saying a word 

I looked up, our eyes met and that set everything off 

Now ü say hi, hey, how are you with that smile and those pretty eyes that reeled me in 

I do the impossible to get to you, you do the same 

You ask about me when I’m not there … Is this real? 

It’s real 

You ask for my number 

Finally! 

You “bump” into me, oh geez you keep getting cuter 

But what isn’t cute is how much of an inconsistent texter he is but okay I’ll let that pass 

This is just the beginning for us 

Us 

And this is why I don’t like making eye contact 

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What song goes with this?

I cared for you, she didn’t

She just wanted you because you were with me. I had you and she didn’t. You were mine. 

Until you gave into her 

That was the day that a part of me was killed. 

I watched as I lost you to a person who I knew her intentions with you weren’t any good. 

I watched you hand yourself to someone who wasn’t genuine, I told you and you just shrugged me off. 

You asked why I didn’t like her I told you and again you shrugged me off. 

Then you guys went out. Another stab for me. You guys would text. Everything. Everything was being done in front of my face. 

Congratulations. You gave the girl who doesn’t like me one bit everything that she wanted. 

She was jealous about you and I and you just gave it all to her in a heart beat. 

Am I hurt? Most definitely. Am I mad? Hell fucking yeah. I’m feeling so many things that I can’t even write it down. 

I told him the red flags I spotted in her and he ignored me. Again. He said I was “jealous” of her. But how can anyone be jealous of such a shitty human being? Someone who does things just to hurt others. How can I be jealous of that? How can I be jealous of a venomous snake?

I didn’t speak to him for a while. Of course I wanted to but I just couldn’t find myself to doing that after he had traded me in for her. He asked multiple times what he had done wrong and I couldn’t find myself to telling him what he had done because I knew I would break down. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want tears wasted. I refused to cry.  

I felt that if I cried, it would mean that she would win. But I wasn’t gonna let that happen. Oh no I’m too Latina to take an L. 

But then she bit him. 

The poison was in. She had done her deed and hurt him. 

I didn’t know how bad but when I found out how I honestly didn’t feel bad. Did he deserve it? Maybe not but he chose her. He chose her and that’s something that I’m not sure I can get over. 

As much as I want to and I have tried to I just can’t seem to find myself to leave that behind. 

It’s just picturing them together and all that fucking breaks me. The fact that he didn’t even think twice about being seen in public with her when all he did was joke around about taking me out and shit. But her? In a fucking heart beat. I kid you not. I have never felt so shitty in my life that he really chose her when for the first time in a while I actually gave a fuck about someone. But these types of things is what makes me have my guard at such a high end. 

You know, this was supposed to be a poem oh well. 

Oh well because they’re not even talking anymore. 

But am I happy? Yes and no. 

I think you would understand why it’s a yes and a no. 

Him and I. We’re good again but I still have this huge solid wall between us. I haven’t found myself to breaking it. I’m not sure if I even can if I’m being honest. I want to but it’s hard. It’s hard because I actually cared for him.  

I’m not sure what I’m doing or what I’m gonna do. I’m split. 

In the deep silence there’s a lil whisper saying “second chance”. I definitely don’t want to be there with “what if”. 

I’m just numb. 

You may say that maybe I have too much pride but it isn’t pride. It’s the fact that I do feel shitty. Does he know that? Maybe not. Should he know? I don’t want him to. Why? Because he feels shitty enough and here I go putting others’ feelings first instead of mine. 

Why are feelings even a thing? 

Thank you to all those songs that help explain everything I feel, I have you all on repeat. 

“With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept”

Jimmy Edwards. Remember him? 

If you’ve ever watched One Tree Hill than you remember him. You remember how you cried because that episode was so real. So raw. 

The pain. The hurt. The tears. The truth. 

The truth that no one wants to admit to. The truth that people try to hide. Try to bury every single day. 

Now let me tell you something. This shooting wasn’t like the ones that have been happening for a while now. This shooting was different and no I’m not justifying this shooting. But hear me out. 

Jimmy Edwards wasn’t one to say he was going to shoot up a school. He didn’t put up “red flags”. As a matter a fact he was a good kid. A good kid that later on turned into a ghost to his “friends” because his “friends” were too busy with the “popular kids”. Yes this happens. He was very close to Lucas and Lucas would usually defend him whenever people bullied him. BULLIED. HIM. After some time everyone left him. He wasn’t doing his sports announcement broadcast which he loved so much. And why was that? Because his partner had also left him. He was ignored. He wouldn’t even go to school. They did a time capsule project and everyone’s was released. Jimmy’s was released and he stated how much he hated that school and the people in it and people STILL kept attacking him. Him being attacked even more by that video is what brought him to brining in that gun.

Again I’m not justifying this in any way.

Long story short. Peyton (Luca’s girlfriend), got hurt and Jimmy thought that she was going to die because of him. He thought she was going to die because the school was on lockdown because of him. Jimmy said it himself that he never meant for anyone to get hurt. Jimmy was hurting. He was hurting to the point where he couldn’t handle it anymore. He was getting shit for his time capsule video where he stated pure truth (if you watched OTH you know). Jimmy would never hurt a fly. Never. He panicked when he saw Peyton bleeding. All he wanted was for people to stop. To stop treating him the way they did. To stop treating him and others shitty. 

Prior to the day he took the gun to school he wasn’t there for 2 weeks and no one even mentioned him. Not one time.  

March 1st. That’s when Jimmy Edwards died. 

March 1st. The day where many learned how not only their actions but words can make someone feel. How they can hurt someone with or without knowing.

Jimmy took his own life away that day because he said he wouldn’t be able to take anything back from that day. That once he walked out those doors his life wouldn’t be the same. He took his life away because he couldn’t handle the hurt. The pain. He couldn’t anymore. He explained it to people who he said they were his friends once. 

This wasn’t a normal school shooting. It wasn’t a shooting where they claimed he was “mentally ill”. Jimmy is a perfect example on showing how broken our system is. Broken is beyond words.

My point for this post is that people don’t pay attention. They don’t pay attention to their surroundings or people who try claimed were their friends. Part of me doesn’t want to classify this as a school shooting but it is classified as one. Although Jimmy didn’t kill anyone but himself, he made people fear for their lives. 

This was more like a cry for help. Yes the gun wasn’t necessary but the cry for help started way before the gun was even involved and in his hands. 

This school shooting episode is one that everyone should watch. 

Wake up. Our system is broken. 

I know that this is a very touchy subject but please say something if you see something. You may think “that’s not my business” but it’s not about it being your business. It’s about avoiding things especially senseless deaths. Every single school shooting has been cleared about each shooter being “mentally ill”. Stop it. Just stop it. Stop using that. There’s so many people with mental illness but they aren’t going around killing people. They aren’t purchasing guns to kill people. I’m not saying that not one of these shooters had mental illness but it gets to the point where that can’t be used for every mass murder. Massacre. Whatever you want to call it. 

I do want to say one thing. Thank you to the writers of One Tree Hill for not blaming mental illness for Jimmy’s actions. Thank you for making Jimmy’s character state why he did what he did in that episode. Thank you. 
Part of me wants to touch on this topic further but for now I’ll leave it at this. I’ll leave it because the world is currently fighting for their lives. 

I want to give my condolences to everyone who has lost someone due to guns. No one should ever hear that they’ve lost someone in such way. 

We’ve got Angels looking over us even though it was never their time to go. 

I’ve cried along with all of you. 

I’m terrified. I have siblings that go to school. School “the safe place” not so safe is it now?

And so … 

“With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept “

Boys Do Cry

I’ve never seen a boy cry before over a girl. It was hard because I liked him more than just a friend. 

I asked myself. What could she had possibly done for him to be crying? What did she say? What did she do? But of course I wasn’t going to ask him anything. I asked if he was okay and he said he had allergies. Allergies. Allergy season was over. But of course I went on to say it better be allergies. 

Apparently she had broken up with him. I asked myself why would she? In my eyes he was everything that any person could possibly ask for. He went to school, worked, responsible, sweet, and so on. But she would have her reasons on why she would. 

The only thing that I could think of was that they’re in college now and that’s when the drift begins. 

You would think that I would be happy because she broke up with him but I wasn’t. I didn’t want to see him the way that I did. 

He went to get her back. He got her flowers so she would take him back. He’s such a hopeless romantic. 

She took him back. 

I’m not going to lie and say that I’m happy. I’m not. She broke up with him once and the second time it’s going to be worse. 

I don’t want to see him hurt. I don’t want to see him cry. 

I just hope she doesn’t completely break him. I basically lost the boy I’ve liked since second grade because a girl hurt him so deeply that he’s still recovering. That boy also cried because of a girl many times. 

It’s not just boys making girls cry. 

Want to know something? 

Both these boys have the same name. 

Dream On 

I don’t think people understand that the reason why I don’t tell them my dreams or what I wanna do with my life is because I don’t want to hear their unwanted opinion. Even if they’re my “friends” I still don’t want to hear it. Why? Because people aren’t good friends nowadays. 

You can tell them your biggest fear and they’ll use it against you in any way possible … That’s manipulation. 

My dreams are MINE. They are not for you to give an “okay” to. I am in no way asking you to approve of what I want to do. 

But the one thing I really like about some people is that they ask if they can say something about what you had just said. THEY ASK. “Can I say something?”. Wow. Thanks. Thank you so much for asking. Thank you for not just throwing your opinion at me. Thank you for not being like the others. 

Listen … Don’t let go of your dreams because people have said some dumb shit. Odds are they let go of theirs. If it’s something that you truly love and feel passionate about, go for it before you make yourself miserable and full of regret. 

You’re going to regret listening to people telling you what to do and what not to do with your life WHEN they’re not in yours anymore. If they’re truly your friends they’re going to support you. They’re going help you in any way possible. They’re going to cheer you on when you feel like you can’t do it. They’re going to try the hardest for you. 

Don’t let go of your dreams. Please don’t. 

TTYL 

It’s sad. Actually very sad that people decide to tell you things via text and not in person. 

A person would have every opportunity to tell you things to your face and they would still tell you via text. Why? 

You’re that much of a coward? You don’t have the pants to do it? 

Pathetic. 

I thought you were better than that. Thanks for showing me otherwise. 

I’m the type of person who prefers things being said face to face, not via text or any bullshit like that. This generation is fucked. 

Sit down. Talk. Say things. Drop that fucking phone for at least 15 minutes. Look at me. Make eye contact with me. Say what you want to say. Don’t wait till I leave to text me because I will dislike you much. I probably would stop talking to you. I mean, it’s not like we talked much to begin with since it’s only via text. 

Sad. 

I hate things being said through text. If you say something important via text, clearly our relationship didn’t mean shit. 

But it’s okay. Everything’s okay. Really, it is. Why? Because it just shows who people really are. 

Thanks for wasting my time but also thanks for my having my phone so dry. Thanks for all the bullshit. Thanks for showing me the real you. 

Wrong Judgement 

He has tattoos. He smokes weed. “Oh, you deserve better”. I don’t want anyone else, I want him. 

Just because someone has tattoos doesn’t mean they are a bad person. Just because someone smokes weed doesn’t mean shit. 

To be honest. There’s people out there that don’t have tattoos, that don’t smoke weed yet they’re the ones doing all types of fucked up things. Yet you want to judge and say someone is bad cause they have tats. 

Let me tell you, I look past that. If your personality is amazing, I don’t care if you smoke. I don’t care if have tats. And to be honest with you, I’m attracted to someone with tattoos. You may ask why and I won’t be able to tell you why. 

But here’s my thing though, why judge someone based on their appearance? 

You’re going to tell me that just because someone has glasses mean that they’re smart? 

That just because someone has tattoos they’re criminals? 

That just because someone smokes weed they’re good for nothing? 

How about a persons personality? Because there are people out there with shitty to zero personalities. 

But at the same time between you and me, I kinda am crushing on someone who has tats and smokes weed but I don’t really care cause he’s so freaking chill. And I’ve never liked anyone so much who has glasses. Oh and that dimple. 

My point is. Don’t judge someone because of their appearance. You might just be letting go on one of the greatest people to walk into your life. 

Talk to them. Don’t assume. Assuming is one of the worst things you could ever do. Assumptions will get you nowhere. 

I’m not saying go out there and get yourself a tattooed boyfriend or girlfriend but GET YOURSELF WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. Date whoever you want. Marry whoever you want. You’re in charge of your happiness. 

Fuck society and their views. 

Nice Try

What blows my mind is how someone wants you to be loyal to them … Yet they’re not going to be loyal to you. 

Be loyal to you for what? 

To look stupid? Ha. You’re fucking delusional. It’s like being in Oculus.  

How am I going to be loyal when people tell me that they see you with someone else right after you were with me. 

How do you expect me to be loyal to you when I see things with my own eyes. 

How do you expect me to be loyal to you when I have people from different corners telling me that they don’t trust you at all. 

How do you expect me to be loyal when it’s clear that you have something with someone else. 

But when I confront you about it, you deny it. You play dumb. You said how that’s the homie. How ya just ‘vibe’. I said okay. Okay just because I was not going to argue with your dumb self thinking I buy that type of shit. 

The funny thing is you did this all on your own. Clearly you had to make a choice. She was making you choose. You said you didn’t want to be with me because of “all the drama” but truth be told, it was that high schooler you’re messing with that made you choose. You kept saying “it’s not what I want” right. RIGHT. Let a 15 year old run your life. I’m 20. I don’t have time for this. 

You really tried making me look dumb. 

I know the game sweetheart. Try better lies. Try better tactics. I know this game too well for you to even try playing me. 

The whole “I’ve been heartbroken and don’t want to go through that again” was pure bullshit. Press the  “try me” button. 

I never believed when you said you wanted something more with me. Why? Cause you were still on the teen. 

“Let’s be friendly strangers”. 

What do I fucking look like being friends with a guy who not only tried to make me look stupid but who chose a little girl? 

Oh and then kissing her in front of everyone? Oh what a glorious day that was. Marvelous. 

But in all honesty, I’m okay. And you know why? Because he can’t even look me in the eyes. All he does is look to the ground. What are you doing looking down when my browns aren’t there? 

I’m not hurt. Maybe a little mad but only because you really tried to make me look like a fool. And tried to make my friends who had their eyes on you at all times look like the bad ones. 

I saw you cry. I saw you in pain. I could hear how hurt and damaged you are. 

Look me in the eyes and remember what I did for you. But I guess that’s why you can’t do it … 

This might be a bit annoying but as Dj Khaled said 

Congratulations, You Played Yourself

Why? 

You know. It really bugs me when someone leads someone on. 

It just makes no sense. 

Why have them think that there’s a possibility of you being more than friends? Why have them have hope? 

Why not just tell the person that you don’t see them the way that they see you. 

You clearly have heart eyes for that person, but that person doesn’t have them for you. 

I know it isn’t easy telling someone that you only see them as a friend but tell them. 

Don’t lead them on. Don’t give them false hopes. Don’t lie. Just tell them. And if you’re don’t find yourself telling that person, clearly you don’t just see that person as friend. 

Don’t waste someone’s time. 

Don’t do what you wouldn’t want someone to do to you. 

The Boy With The Tattoos 

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted someone so bad. Like when Edward wanted Bella and Bella wanted Edward. 

No. This isn’t about lust. This is something else. 

I think the truth is … I’ve always had something for this boy. Since elementary school. Yes since those times. And as I grew older I would see him and my heart would beat fast. But I always looked away and avoided eye contact. 

Until recently. He saw me. Stared. Didn’t say one word. I knew it was him but I didn’t want to say anything. I just went along my day. 

Fast forward to when he talked to me. He asked if I remembered him and I said ehh kind of. If only he knew he never left my mind. He remembered me. He remembered me from elementary school. I honestly thought he would’ve forgotten about me. That’s what usually happens right? You just go to school with people and never see them again. 

Wrong. 

Now he’s back in my life. 

My heart beat is going crazy. In a good way. And that doesn’t happen very often. 

Now he’s the boy with the tattoos. The boy with a story. The boy who thinks I’m too good for him. Yet I want him. I always have. 

He was done dirty so now his guard is so high. So high that he would ask why I’d choose him over other guys. 

Whoever did him dirty basically did me dirty because he’s not going to believe most things I say. 

Boys have feelings. 

Boys get hurt. 

Now the one boy I’ve always wanted is back in my life and he has been hurt. He has been hurt and there’s not much I can do. 

I can’t tell him I won’t hurt him because he has probably heard that multiple times. 

Just like girls do. 

He’s the boy with the tattoos and he’s the one I want. 

The one I’ve always wanted.