Nice Try

What blows my mind is how someone wants you to be loyal to them … Yet they’re not going to be loyal to you. 

Be loyal to you for what? 

To look stupid? Ha. You’re fucking delusional. It’s like being in Oculus.  

How am I going to be loyal when people tell me that they see you with someone else right after you were with me. 

How do you expect me to be loyal to you when I see things with my own eyes. 

How do you expect me to be loyal to you when I have people from different corners telling me that they don’t trust you at all. 

How do you expect me to be loyal when it’s clear that you have something with someone else. 

But when I confront you about it, you deny it. You play dumb. You said how that’s the homie. How ya just ‘vibe’. I said okay. Okay just because I was not going to argue with your dumb self thinking I buy that type of shit. 

The funny thing is you did this all on your own. Clearly you had to make a choice. She was making you choose. You said you didn’t want to be with me because of “all the drama” but truth be told, it was that high schooler you’re messing with that made you choose. You kept saying “it’s not what I want” right. RIGHT. Let a 15 year old run your life. I’m 20. I don’t have time for this. 

You really tried making me look dumb. 

I know the game sweetheart. Try better lies. Try better tactics. I know this game too well for you to even try playing me. 

The whole “I’ve been heartbroken and don’t want to go through that again” was pure bullshit. Press the  “try me” button. 

I never believed when you said you wanted something more with me. Why? Cause you were still on the teen. 

“Let’s be friendly strangers”. 

What do I fucking look like being friends with a guy who not only tried to make me look stupid but who chose a little girl? 

Oh and then kissing her in front of everyone? Oh what a glorious day that was. Marvelous. 

But in all honesty, I’m okay. And you know why? Because he can’t even look me in the eyes. All he does is look to the ground. What are you doing looking down when my browns aren’t there? 

I’m not hurt. Maybe a little mad but only because you really tried to make me look like a fool. And tried to make my friends who had their eyes on you at all times look like the bad ones. 

I saw you cry. I saw you in pain. I could hear how hurt and damaged you are. 

Look me in the eyes and remember what I did for you. But I guess that’s why you can’t do it … 

This might be a bit annoying but as Dj Khaled said 

Congratulations, You Played Yourself

Why? 

You know. It really bugs me when someone leads someone on. 

It just makes no sense. 

Why have them think that there’s a possibility of you being more than friends? Why have them have hope? 

Why not just tell the person that you don’t see them the way that they see you. 

You clearly have heart eyes for that person, but that person doesn’t have them for you. 

I know it isn’t easy telling someone that you only see them as a friend but tell them. 

Don’t lead them on. Don’t give them false hopes. Don’t lie. Just tell them. And if you’re don’t find yourself telling that person, clearly you don’t just see that person as friend. 

Don’t waste someone’s time. 

Don’t do what you wouldn’t want someone to do to you. 

The Boy With The Tattoos 

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted someone so bad. Like when Edward wanted Bella and Bella wanted Edward. 

No. This isn’t about lust. This is something else. 

I think the truth is … I’ve always had something for this boy. Since elementary school. Yes since those times. And as I grew older I would see him and my heart would beat fast. But I always looked away and avoided eye contact. 

Until recently. He saw me. Stared. Didn’t say one word. I knew it was him but I didn’t want to say anything. I just went along my day. 

Fast forward to when he talked to me. He asked if I remembered him and I said ehh kind of. If only he knew he never left my mind. He remembered me. He remembered me from elementary school. I honestly thought he would’ve forgotten about me. That’s what usually happens right? You just go to school with people and never see them again. 

Wrong. 

Now he’s back in my life. 

My heart beat is going crazy. In a good way. And that doesn’t happen very often. 

Now he’s the boy with the tattoos. The boy with a story. The boy who thinks I’m too good for him. Yet I want him. I always have. 

He was done dirty so now his guard is so high. So high that he would ask why I’d choose him over other guys. 

Whoever did him dirty basically did me dirty because he’s not going to believe most things I say. 

Boys have feelings. 

Boys get hurt. 

Now the one boy I’ve always wanted is back in my life and he has been hurt. He has been hurt and there’s not much I can do. 

I can’t tell him I won’t hurt him because he has probably heard that multiple times. 

Just like girls do. 

He’s the boy with the tattoos and he’s the one I want. 

The one I’ve always wanted. 

Aliens 

I’ve seen Roswell and currently watching Star Crossed and it makes me think that aliens could be amongst us. 

It’s shows like these that make the world more interesting since there’s so many people in this world. 

Roswell is one of my favorite shows ever created but it differs so much from Star Crossed. 

With Roswell it shows that anyone could be an alien because they’re so much like us. With Star Crossed we can tell that they’re aliens because of the tattoos. Some, however, had them removed but not for good purposes. 

I’m honestly glad that these shows were made. I think that it helps remove the cliche idea on how aliens look. Sure, they can look all green, with big eyes and whatnot. But as far as anyone is concerned they can look like us humans and we wouldn’t know. 

If you haven’t seen Roswell, go watch it. It’s honestly one of the greatest shows I’ve ever seen. There’s so much to it and that’s what I love about it. 

Star Crossed wasn’t a show that was on the air for too long but it was good while it lasted. 

Sure it’s another silly theory but it’s one that can be true. There’s places out there that haven’t be discovered. There’s towns that are hidden. There’s many places hidden that we don’t know about. This world is too big and there’s many unknowns. 

The unknown is what I live for. 

12:18 am “A type” 

A guy a like asked me if I had a type and I said not really. I said not really because I don’t really have a type. For me it’s more like if I like you then I like you. That’s it. I’m not gonna stick to a specific thing like oh he has to have a piercing or something. 

I guess I’ve just always gone for whoever gets my attention. There was never a type … If I had a type of have to travel the world in order to find this guy. 

What was more surprising to me was that he actually has a type … I’m not even close to what he has usually dated. I was just like errrrr yeah I’m not even close to that. 

I’m more of the athletic type, energetic, bookworm, all of that and more. So yeah I was just wowed because he’s going for me and I’m not even his type. I guess I’m his type in a different way. 

I think having a type is sometimes a good thing and maybe a bad thing but in a not so bad way. You try to find someone who you have described as your type but you never find that person. Then you find someone who isn’t even near what you said was your type and you go for it and you’re like damn it this is not what I said I would go for. 

I think it’s good because what if this person who you said wasn’t your type ends up being your best friend for life? You never know. 

All I know is that I don’t really have a type … I just look for certain qualities … I look for someone who’s different … Someone who will take their time to get to know me. 

Maybe your type really isn’t your type. 

Remember… Opposites attract. 

Don’t cancel out anything. Give it a chance. 

Dream On 

I don’t think people don’t understand that the reason why I don’t tell them my dreams or what I wanna do with my life is because I don’t want to hear their unwanted opinion. Even if they’re my “friends” I still don’t want to hear it. Why? Because people aren’t good friends nowadays. 

You can tell them your biggest fear and they’ll use it against you in any way possible … That’s manipulation. 

My dreams are MINE. They are not for you to give an “okay” to. I am in no way asking you to approve of what I want to do. 

But the one thing I really like about some people is that they ask if they can say something about what you had just said. THEY ASK. “Can I say something?”. Wow. Thanks. Thank you so much for asking. Thank you for not just throwing your opinion at me. Thank you for not being like the others. 

Listen … Don’t let go of your dreams because people have said some dumb shit. Odds are they let go of theirs. If it’s something that you truly love and feel passionate about, go for it before you make yourself miserable and full of regret. 

You’re going to regret listening to people telling you what to do and what not to do with your life WHEN they’re not in yours anymore. If they’re truly your friends they’re going to support you. They’re going help you in any way possible. They’re going to cheer you on when you feel like you can’t do it. They’re going to try the hardest for you. 

Don’t let go of your dreams. Please don’t. 

Don’t.

I never understood why people can’t be happy for others. Especially if they’ve known this person for so long. Instead what is seen is envy. Anger. 

I for one can’t be like that. Everyone has a dream and damn it, it makes me happy seeing someone take a step into their dream. 

I’m gonna support people in any way that I can. 

The thing is. If your “friends” won’t support you, complete strangers will. And that’s cool because you see people’s true and real intentions. 

Strangers don’t know you. What they might know is that it took you a while to get where you are because things don’t happen from day to night. 

As for your “friends”, they know you. They know how much you have struggled. But now that they see where you’re going in life, they don’t like it. They don’t like it because it’s taking them longer to get where they want to be. 

Take your time. 

Don’t rush. 

That’s why I don’t tell anyone what I want to do with my life. I don’t need people telling me that “it’s not going to bring you a lot of money”. Money? Dude I get paid to do what I love, that’s enough for me. 

It’s just insane to me to see how people don’t support their own anymore. 

If you don’t want to see someone happy, stop acting like you are. 

Be real. 

Support your own. 

If you can’t, just walk away. 

Simple. 

I prefer writing at night. 

Sometimes during the day my mind goes elsewhere so I never finish writing what I want to write. 

At night is where everything comes because it’s night. It’s more quite. More peace. But at the same time so much is going on that you don’t know about. 

I love writing. There’s so much to it. But at times I can be vague because I don’t like expanding things … And then there’s times where people actually understand what I’m saying without me expanding. That’s one of my favorite things. People understand. 

Not sure if I should apologize for being vague but sometimes vague is what you need to be. 

Stranded Memory 

I was watching The Fosters tonight and as I was watching the episode where Brandon was practicing for his audition I had this faint little memory. A memory where someone told be that I should be at Juilliard. 
For some reason I can’t remember who it was or where it was. 
What’s going on in my mind now is, why would someone say that? I personally don’t see myself being connected to Juilliard. I have nothing against Juilliard but I just never saw myself even attending. I have heard a lot about Juilliard but that’s really it. 
Juilliard is big. 
I just wish I would remember who it was and why that person would say that me. I usually have a good memory but this one is really making me think. Me? Juilliard? More than crazy. 

2:35 am

The night is always so interesting. They say “the city that never sleeps” and I agree but I know we’re not the only city that never sleeps. Sure there’s a lot going on but there’s other places. 

I always wonder what I’d be doing at this time in California, if I lived there or was there visiting. Honestly if I was visiting I’d probably wouldn’t be getting so much sleep because of how excited I would be. 

I’ve never left New York. Never. But I want to change that. I want to travel and California is my first stop. California is, I gues you can say, the dream. 

People make New York sound like its  this exciting city and yes it is but when you’ve lived here your entire life you don’t see it like others do. I still love it though because it’s not just any city it’s THAT city. 

California, I’m coming for you.