I cared for you, she didn’t
She just wanted you because you were with me. I had you and she didn’t. You were mine.
Until you gave into her
That was the day that a part of me was killed.
I watched as I lost you to a person who I knew her intentions with you weren’t any good.
I watched you hand yourself to someone who wasn’t genuine, I told you and you just shrugged me off.
You asked why I didn’t like her I told you and again you shrugged me off.
Then you guys went out. Another stab for me. You guys would text. Everything. Everything was being done in front of my face.
Congratulations. You gave the girl who doesn’t like me one bit everything that she wanted.
She was jealous about you and I and you just gave it all to her in a heart beat.
Am I hurt? Most definitely. Am I mad? Hell fucking yeah. I’m feeling so many things that I can’t even write it down.
I told him the red flags I spotted in her and he ignored me. Again. He said I was “jealous” of her. But how can anyone be jealous of such a shitty human being? Someone who does things just to hurt others. How can I be jealous of that? How can I be jealous of a venomous snake?
I didn’t speak to him for a while. Of course I wanted to but I just couldn’t find myself to doing that after he had traded me in for her. He asked multiple times what he had done wrong and I couldn’t find myself to telling him what he had done because I knew I would break down. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want tears wasted. I refused to cry.
I felt that if I cried, it would mean that she would win. But I wasn’t gonna let that happen. Oh no I’m too Latina to take an L.
But then she bit him.
The poison was in. She had done her deed and hurt him.
I didn’t know how bad but when I found out how I honestly didn’t feel bad. Did he deserve it? Maybe not but he chose her. He chose her and that’s something that I’m not sure I can get over.
As much as I want to and I have tried to I just can’t seem to find myself to leave that behind.
It’s just picturing them together and all that fucking breaks me. The fact that he didn’t even think twice about being seen in public with her when all he did was joke around about taking me out and shit. But her? In a fucking heart beat. I kid you not. I have never felt so shitty in my life that he really chose her when for the first time in a while I actually gave a fuck about someone. But these types of things is what makes me have my guard at such a high end.
You know, this was supposed to be a poem oh well.
Oh well because they’re not even talking anymore.
But am I happy? Yes and no.
I think you would understand why it’s a yes and a no.
Him and I. We’re good again but I still have this huge solid wall between us. I haven’t found myself to breaking it. I’m not sure if I even can if I’m being honest. I want to but it’s hard. It’s hard because I actually cared for him.
I’m not sure what I’m doing or what I’m gonna do. I’m split.
In the deep silence there’s a lil whisper saying “second chance”. I definitely don’t want to be there with “what if”.
I’m just numb.
You may say that maybe I have too much pride but it isn’t pride. It’s the fact that I do feel shitty. Does he know that? Maybe not. Should he know? I don’t want him to. Why? Because he feels shitty enough and here I go putting others’ feelings first instead of mine.
Why are feelings even a thing?
Thank you to all those songs that help explain everything I feel, I have you all on repeat.